Life Management 101

Who’s to say when a person’s behavior crosses the line between normal and peculiar? It’s a very thin line, in my book. Label others’ methods of dealing with life’s irksome little challenges “quirky,” if you will, but I prefer the term “resourceful.”

Some people, I’m told, perform their daily grooming routine in a particular, inflexible order, allowing the peace of mind that comes from knowing they never leave the house (unless interrupted mid-ritual) without flossing or deodorizing. Others hang their underclothes on doorknobs and chair backs throughout the house to air-dry after removal from the washing machine, saving the trouble of buying and setting up a drying rack. Still others count the number of steps it takes to walk from a remote parking lot to a building, so that they can accurately estimate the distance they’ve covered (just let me know if you want more details about how that works).

So why would anyone find my Clothing Management System to be peculiar? I myself find it remarkable that most people don’t even have a Clothing Management System. For the past, oh, 20 years or so, I’ve kept a log of what I wear to work each day. And I find it to be quite logical, reasonable and advantageous, thank you very much.

My extremely low-tech but effective method requires only a yellow legal pad and a pencil with an eraser, kept handy in the nightstand drawer. Each season I transfer the previous year’s list of options to a fresh sheet, omitting those I no longer want to wear. After each shopping trip I fill additional lines on the sheet. Every night before bed I look over the list and choose the next day’s outfit, marking a date next to it. If I change my mind, no problem—that’s what erasers are for. I’m freed from: a) standing in my closet each morning blankly staring at rows of clothes; b) running the risk of repeating an outfit I’ve recently worn; and c) leaving a perfectly good article of clothing languishing forgotten at the back of the closet.

“Someone’s cheese has slid off her cracker,” I see emanating from a thought bubble out of the tops of my friends’ heads when I’ve attempted to convey the many merits of my system. They shake their heads pityingly, smile uncomfortably and change the subject. Despite the system’s obvious advantages, I’m not aware of a single convert over these many years. I’m left to conclude that, on the list of problems to be solved, apparel management is way down there for most people.

But just think about it: If ever a crime were committed in which the eyewitnesses described the perpetrator as a tall, middle-aged, brown-haired woman wearing a light blue blouse and black skirt, could you whip out your Clothing Management System and prove incontrovertibly to the investigators that, AHA! You were wearing the taupe cable cardigan that day? No, YOU could not. But I could!

And of course, one could always buy a pedometer instead of counting one’s steps from the parking lot, but how resourceful would that be? It wouldn’t be, that’s how.